Versus Burritos
And spiders
If you eat too many burritos, you may be in danger of requiring a burritoectomy. I came close to needing a burritoectomy back in 1998 while driving a rental car on trolley tracks in Dallas, Texas.
Here’s the thing about driving: There are spiders.
I once heard that Don Pablo’s put concrete dust in their burritos. I think it might be true because I felt like that thing set up and hardened once it was in my stomach. Plus, I’ve never been able to eat quite as much ever again. In addition, my poop was like little rocks the next day. Little. Concrete. Rocks.
Counter to the danger of burritoectomies lies a little-known fact that Dos Equis green can dissolve the concrete dust contained in many common burritos. My grandmother once took a swig of this beer, not because she liked it, but because she wanted me to think she liked it. What she didn’t know was, I was only drinking it to avoid a burritoectomy — I didn’t like it either. In fact, no one likes it. That’s why it’s only on the commercials and never on any menu.
But while Dos Equis green’s burrito-dissolving qualities are lesser known, it is generally even less lesser-known that every quality Mexican restaurant (American-Mexican, Meso-Mexican, and Mexi-Mexican) secretly carries Dos Equis green. Though it is never displayed, Dos Equis green functions…
